Sunday, November 1, 2015

Movie Review- Attack on Titan: Parts 1 & 2

Yep. That's the impression I got too.

Introduction

Even though I've tried to give anime a chance by watching it, I have never really gotten into it. Maybe it's the culture clash? Maybe it's the big stupid eyes and constant giggling? Hell, maybe it's the underlying tone of pedophilia that's in a large amount of anime? If you don't know what I mean, than you're probably one of those perverts (LOL). Things like Pokemon, Dragon Balls (Z), Naruto, and Black Butler, just don't appeal to me in any way. But there are a few that have grabbed my attention. Shows like Cowboy Bebop, Death Note, Soul Eater, and of course, Attack on Titan, found a way to sneak themselves onto my thumbs up list. Shows like that have a multitude of attributes to separate them from the rest; Cool concepts, lovable characters, original ideas, and a good balance between action, humor, and drama. Now being the humble guy that I am, I admit that I know next to nothing about anime. I wouldn't doubt if there are even better shows and films out there than I've seen. But probably also worse. And when in the hell are they going to do a live action remake of Fist of the North Star? That would be epic. Just as long as Keanu Reeves isn't cast as Kenshiro.

Attack on Titan: Parts 1 & 2

By now, everyone who reads my reviews knows that director Michael Bay is my go-to punching bag when it comes to blame for lackluster blockbusters. Well, the sonuvabitch has inspired yet another filmmaker to abandon canon and leave the viewer to scratch their head in utter confusion. That's right folks, our beloved Attack on Titan has gone the way of the live action Transformers. The story is dumbed down, the characters have been changed and/or omitted for no apparent reason, and it's too self-contained to have the balls to venture out into its own world that was laid out for it in the manga and animated series. The scales are lopsided in the direction of negative in almost every regard. The editing is also mediocre. The way that this film is put together feels like cut scenes from a video game, except that they change or cut over some important moments for its characters. I say "this film" because there is no way that I am going to write two separate reviews for one giant piece of shit. Ninety-eight minutes (part 1) plus eighty-seven minutes (part 2) equals, one-hundred and eighty-five minutes of pure disappointment. The only thing that these films do right (for the most part), is the look of the Titans. Instead of going the cheap route with all CG, live actors were used and only accentuated by computer effects. And they look as creepy as ever. There is something intriguing about giants that are simultaneously terrifying and amusing in appearance. Also, the gore doesn't seem to be held back like the rest of these films are. Blood is spilled, bodies are eviscerated, and slime strings are dancing from top tooth to bottom on the Titans.
The acting is laughable at times, especially when certain characters get over-emotional namely, Eren (Haruma Miura). His screaming bouts add to more than a few unintentionally funny moments throughout the films. In between the Titan action, we are subjected to some extremely slow pacing. Each time that the films slowed down for some quiet character development, I got sleepy. Those moments could have been spent on something more productive like training scenes. That's how we connect with the characters, by going along with them on the journey, not listening to them whine about all that they've lost. Popular character Mikasa (Kiko Mizuhara), gives the silent treatment while her partner Shikishima (Hiroki Hasegawa), stands in the background and sporadically laughs like Pai Mei from Kill Bill (if only he had a beard). Not one character seems to be true to themselves (anime wise) except for Hange (Satomi Ishihara). Sorry, I meant "Hans" not "Hange". For some dumb reason, they changed her name. She is exactly like her character from the anime; Goofy, over the top, and the only intentionally funny person of the films.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly of Attack on Titan: Parts 1 & 2

The Good- Filmed on an abandoned mining island; At least that looked right. Good production value. Eren the Titan was very accurate.
The Bad- "I'm a Titan, you're a Titan, everybody's a Titan!" Add that to it's cliche of an end battle.
The Ugly- I paid twice to see these movies! Greedy bastards, always splitting stuff (Kill Bill, Deathly Hallows, Breaking Dawn, Mocking Jay). Okay, if the films are good, then I have no complaint. But how will we know if they're good before we see them? What a paradox.

Final Thoughts on Attack on Titan: Parts 1 & 2

Cover both of these films with an inconsistent and annoying musical score, and you have the biggest waste of time since the live action Super Mario Bros. Attack on Titan is a total disaster and slap to the face to its many fans. Once again, something as simple as following the original mythology properly, could have saved these films from being a punch line down the road. Luckily these films are no longer in theaters. Just watch them at home as another lesson in bad film adaptations. Stay after the end credits of part 2 for another head scratching moment. It's worth it. Not really.
Rating- 3 out of 10
Part 1- 98 Minutes   Part 2- 87 Minutes
Fantasy/Adventure/Horror

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