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Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Movie Review- The Ridiculous 6

No, it's not terrific. It's not terrific at all!

Intro


What makes us watch bad movies, especially when we know that they're going to suck? Is it that we take comfort in knowing that our expectations won't be set very high? Or maybe there's an actor involved that we just want to see? I mean there's got to be a reason why the straight-to-video business is booming, right? But there are plenty of bad theatrical releases as well. I figure that most people who spend their money on those types of films, don't want to think much and be distracted for at
least eighty-five minutes at a time. Me personally, I usually avoid those types but I do have a soft spot for some. If it's zombie related or has a personal favorite actor of mine in it, I might ignore all of the warning signs and push play. Many times I regret it, but occasionally I'm surprised. I pretty much have kicked myself in the ass every time I've watched a Danny Trejo film (Bad Ass 1-2 & 3, Rise of the Zombies, Zombie Hunter, Dead in Tombstone, The Burning Dead, etc.).


The Ridiculous 6


One film that I knew without a doubt was going to suck and suck hard was obviously another Adam Sandler "comedy". The Ridiculous 6 is so bad, that multiple big name studios kept throwing it around at each other like a wet hot chunk of shit that was going to explode at any minute and take them down with it. Luckily for them, NetFlix decided to step in and ease their burden. Aside from the greed that accompanies a quick buck, I can't see why they would want to sully their good name by associating with a way past his prime comedian. But apparently, there's still plenty of low IQs in this world that think he's still funny. How else can you explain how this year's Pixels made so much bank? Simple Jack likes? Well, Simple Jack can have him. For nearly two hours, I was subjected to a never ending onslaught of retardation and banality. This movie is not funny. I don't even think that my idiot kids would even find humor in this. Trust me, I live with them. I think that if a vegetable in a hospital gurney was forced to watch this film, that they would muster the strength to throw their split pea soup at the tv in defiance of the insult, before passing away with a smile on their face. Speaking of vegetables (horrible segue), I think that my intelligence level dropped dramatically while watching this film. I couldn't finish sentences and I was bumping into things more than my usually fat self-does. Can I find a positive? Sure. I have made a promise to myself that I will never watch another new Adam Sandler release, even if I don't have to pay for it. Because either way, you always end up paying for it.

In this western comedy that defiles everything that Mel Brook's 1974 film Blazing Saddles stood (and farted) for, we are lead to believe that Mr. Sandler is an all powerful Zohan rip off in Original American garb. For a brief moment, he has the skills, no matter how ludicrous and irrelevant they are. Then his skills wane for most of the film. But that's ok. Because we get the full exposure of Sandler's classic deadpan charm. He tells not one joke. He smiles long enough for maybe a hummingbird to notice. And he has the emotional energy of a three-toed sloth. Should we expect anything less? The extremely large cast of big actors to small ranges from the likes of Harvey Keitel (Pulp Fiction) down to Vanilla Ice (Robert Van Winkle). I would name them all if I gave more of a shit about The Ridiculous 6 so, I'll just name the 6. Aside from Sandler, there's Terry Crews (Get Smart), Jorge Garcia (Lost), Taylor Lautner (The Twilight series), Rob Schneider (The Carrot), and Luke Wilson (Old School). They are completely wasted as is the entire cast. If I had to rate the cast from best to worst, I'd pick Keitel and Schneider as decent. While Garcia and Lautner are so annoyingly bad, that I should call John Travolta and apologize to him for harshly judging his terrible turn in Battlefield Earth. Those two go full retard to the ninth power. Is it funny? Nah, it's just sad. Every joke gets explained to us like we're in pajamas watching Blue's Clues. Even a mildly funny diarrhea splatting donkey is overdone and pointlessly justified. Justified, now that's a good show. I remember that time when Boyd was arguing with Ava and....... Sorry, I got sidetracked. Can you honestly blame me? Oh yeah, and Trejo's in this too!


The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, of The Ridiculous 6

The Good- The beautiful cinematography that's shot in 4K, really lets you see the shit in amazing detail. Nick Nolte's (48 Hours) third nipple is funnier than Lautner's third nipple. Lil Pete's hangin is so stupid it's funny.

The Bad- The Ridiculous 6 is so bad that it makes A Million Ways to Die in the West look like an Official Selection at the Cannes Film Festival.

The Ugly- Even a shadow of an eyeball being torn out is still disturbing.


Final Thoughts


The Ridiculous Sux (6) is hands down, the worst film of the year. No one is redeemable. Every joke is forced and awkward. And Vanilla Ice is Mark Twain. I saw this for free and I still want my money back! Sandler has three more films that he's doing with NetFlix and I can sincerely tell you, that I will not ever see those turds. I would rather have Kim & Kanye name my kids. I would rather rape a beehive. I would rather go see a porno with Pee-wee Herman while his hands are bandaged from an
incident that's later to be disclosed, and have to do him "a favor". I would rather.... You get the point. Oh, did I push it on you? Well, that's what this movie did to me! "Son, please point to the area on the chart where Happy Madison touched you."
Rating- 0 out of 10 (Lowest rating ever!)


The Ridiculous 6 (2015)
119 min | Comedy, Western | 11 December 2015 (USA)
Director: Frank Coraci
Writers: Tim Herlihy, Adam Sandler
Stars: Adam Sandler, Terry Crews, Jorge Garcia

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