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Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Movie Review- Zoolander 2

It's uncanny how much Kristen Wiig's face emulated my own while  I was watching, Zoolander 2


Intro


When Ben Stiller shines, so do his films (There's Something About Mary, Meet the Parents, Tropic Thunder, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty). But when he's off, he's off big time (Duplex, Envy, Little Fockers). I seem to like him best when he's not trying so hard to win over our affections. Sometimes it's just too obvious (Starsky & Hutch, The Heartbreak Kid, The Night at the Museum films). It's almost like he sometimes needs a bunch of well known cameos to validate his movies. I think he's had his buddy Owen Wilson (Zoolander) show up in more films than I have fingers. I do however love the energy that he brings to his own cameo performances (Happy Gilmore, Anchorman, Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny). He's had some fun characters over the years. But why can't he leave some things in the past?


Zoolander 2


A special shout out goes to the upstanding human beings over at TMZ, for their constant badgering of Mr. Stiller over the years to make a sequel for his 2001 film, Zoolander. If it wasn't for those soul-sucking, opportunistic, assholes, maybe we wouldn't have been subjected to the worthless piece of shit called Zoolander 2. The first film had a few funny moments, but nothing that would ever justify inviting us back for a second round. The desperation of this film is tangible. It wants you to like it, but you know better, don't you? Every joke, every sight gag, every reference, tries to tickle our funny bone and fails miserably every single time. When did being dumb close to the point of retardation the likes of The Simple Life tv show, think it was funnier than it is? Blonde jokes are funny too, yet you start to feel stupid after hearing so many. At least the look is top notch. The costumes and sets look extravagantly psychedelic. You can tell where the budget was spent.

Stiller was so busy signing dozens of celebrities, that he forgot to take the time to write a funny movie. Apparently, having Katy Perry singing on a rooftop or M.C. Hammer reenacting another financial planning commercial, has taken the place of good comedy. No it hasn't. Stiller and Owens stare blankly around like two turkeys in the rain, and bounce bottles off of each other's heads for laughs. Penelope Cruz (Vanilla Sky) is as attractive as ever, but her acting skills aren't even tested once as she purposely overacts as an Interpol agent. The only actor that's worthwhile at all, is from Will Ferrell's (Old School) Mugatu. He shows up in the last third of the movie to salvage what little there is of a script. His energy replaces Stiller's and Owen's looks of unfunny confusion. But that only goes so far. Some of the cameos are so pointlessly wasted, that I was expecting Adam Sandler (That's My Boy) to take a casting credit. The only time that I felt the same pizzazz as from the first Zoolander, was during the end of the film when it was too late and the last check had already been paid.



The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, of Zoolander 2


The Good- The death of Justin Bieber, Mugatu's escape, and this film being merciful enough to not go over a hundred minutes.

The Bad- Sting (The Police) rolls his eyes at every joke said around him. Was that his character, or was he warning us to escape?

The Ugly- I turned down seeing Deadpool again for this turd gagger. I would have been fine with writing a follow up review for that one instead.


Final Thoughts


Derek Zoolander can take his patented Blue Steel duckface pose and kiss my sphincter, if he was smart enough to find it. Zoolander 2 is sad, futile, and not even giggle worthy. I will say that Kiefer Sutherland's (Cuervo) straight face during his "Orgy" scenes, shows that he lives life without any regrets. All this film is, is a bunch of superficial characters performing superficial filler. Just see the look on Kristen Wiig's (The Skeleton Twins) face; It says it all. Save your money, save your brain cells, and save the movie industry. Go see something else. Someone should mash Stiller's face into the same spot that he shat fifteen years ago, and leave it there a little longer.
Rating- 2 out of 10

Zoolander 2 (2016)

PG-13 | | Comedy | 12 February 2016 (USA)

Director: Ben Stiller               

Writers: Justin Theroux, Ben Stiller   

Stars: Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Penélope Cruz   

 


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