Thursday, May 26, 2016

Piece Of Shit Or Not? X-Men: Apocalypse

"May I have your attention! I'd like to address the millions of memes and tweets that say that I look like Ivan freakin Ooze!"

"I don't see a resemblance."


Joe's Take-
Sansa Stark/Jean Grey (Sophie Turner) has a nightmare of the world's end that's so vivid, it literally scares the hair off of Charles Xavier's (James McAvoy) head! Well, Ivan Ooze/Apocalypse (Oscar Isaac) is going to do his damnedest to make her dreams come true. While he's wrangling up his Four Horsemen consisting of Magneto (Michael Fassbender), Storm (Alexandra Shipp), Archangel (Ben Hardy), and Psylocke (Olivia Munn), Xavier recruits a too good to wear body paint Jennifer Lawrence (Mystique), to train his young students for impending doom. Will the X-Men survive long enough to make it to another overcrowded film? Will Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds) appear to lighten the mood and make fun of everyone? (Probably not. It's set in the 80's. WHAM!) And forget about Wolverine's (Hugh Jackman) cameo; I want to know if the Power Rangers will show up to thwart Ooze's plans with some bad dialogue and G-rated karate skills?

My Prediction- Even though Bryan Singer is back to helm this film, the same ol' trailers and and the half-assed look of Apocalypse, gives me about the same amount of goose bumps as seeing Rebel Wilson (Pitch Perfect) in a thong wearing booby tassels. Nothing looks right and one of the X-Men's greatest villains seems tampered and unappealing. X-Men: Apocalypse will not be as bad as X-Men: The Last Stand, however it won't be much better. Sorry, but this is going to be Piece Of Shit. Please Marvel Studios, step in and show Fox the light...or force. Whatever.

Mike's Take -
Here's the problem with the X-Men films. You can't take a huge story and jam it in to a 2 hour action movie. It didn't work with Days of Future Past and it certainly didn't work for any movie after the first X-Men film. It's not going to work on this one either. Short term thinking and short term solutions to fix this property are destroying what could have been one of the greatest series of films ever made. Apocalypse will be a piece of shit. Studio's and Directors need to stop having these "visions" of what the films should be and just give the audience what they want. In order for this story to work, you need to have a long term plan, there needs to be more than just one movie. Look at what Miller and Ryan Reynolds did with Deadpool, they took the story and whittled it down to the finer points and gave the fans what they wanted AND they were thinking long term with this, it's a smaller story within a bigger story arc. Same with the Avenger's, Guardian's of the Galaxy and all the other Marvel movies that have come out. It's basically one cohesive story line with the individual players each taking their turn, moving in and out of the story seamlessly. Too bad Fox (and Singer) are too short sighted to realize that they have a property that should have been bigger than Star Wars, but ultimately it's more like... Indian Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Just like with Sony, Marvel will step in and force 20th Century Fox to pull the plug on their future Marvel franchises (it's already happening with Fantastic Four, it just hasn't been told to the public... yet) because Fox can't get out of their own way to see the potential of these films. Except for Deadpool, how they didn't screw that one up is beyond me. I guess they learned from the Origin's Wolverine movie.

This movie will make money but, like Batman V Superman, it's a failure. Bye Brian, Hello Josh Whedon? That would be interesting.



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