If you think I'm going to spend a bunch of time on this one, then you are out of your goddamned mother lovin mind. This all over the place trailer has the daughters of Kevin Smith (Tusk) and Johnny Depp (Tusk), as two Canadian schoolgirls who work in a convenience store. Their yoga guru is Justin Long (Tusk), their giver of motherly advice is Jennifer Schwalbach (Tusk), their local Canadian Nazi is Ralph Garmin (Tusk), and even Guy LaPointe from Tusk returns (Depp). It all centers around some weird shit about Garmin creating a bunch of little Nazi bratwurst soldiers (Bratzis), and the girls squishing and yoga-ing through them while the whole community scoffs at them. What the fuck is wrong with German people?!
My Prediction- Why in the holy fuck did Smith ever come up with this? It looks like he's gone Andy Warhol crazy and decided to shit on all of the fine work from his past. Besides the fact that this whole thing reeks of nepotism and self masturbation, this looks like a poor quality shitfest that only those on the inside track could understand and appreciate. I like Smith's stance on shirking the Hollywood system and I want to keep supporting him, but if this damn movie makes my asshole start to bleed and I get canker sores of the eyeball before the end credits, I'm walking away from Silent Bob and his wackadoo endeavors. Yoga Hosers will be a definite Piece Of Shit. By how much? That depends on how much bigger Depp's running gag cock nose gets. This is probably the first time that I'm asking for my money back, and I haven't even seen the damn thing yet.
I'm a huge fan of Kevin Smith (much ass kissing) and I kinda have to agree with Joe's take and some of the reviews. This movie seems to be Clerks meets Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes meets Re-Animator. It feels forced and some how ... off. Depp and Smith play convenience store clerks who have to fight off an invasion of living bratwursts (played by Kevin Smith) on the night that they were supposed to go to a senior party. Honestly, I don't exactly know what the hell is going on with this movie. But, I love cheesey, bad movies and this one ranks right up there with the best of the wurst. Pun intended.
Yoga Hosers (2016)
PG-13 | 1h 28min | Comedy, Fantasy, Horror | 2 September 2016 (USA)
Two teenage yoga enthusiasts team up with a legendary man-hunter to battle with an ancient evil presence that is threatening their major party plans.
Director: Kevin Smith
Writer: Kevin Smith
Stars: Lily-Rose Depp, Harley Quinn Smith, Johnny Depp