Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Movie Review- Assassin's Creed

What would Deadpool be saying right about now?

"It's 2016. No one cares about freedom."


Something seems to always get lost in the adaptations of video games made into full motion pictures. Most films never even come close to grasping the essence of their inspirations. Myself, I've noticed first hand at how terrible the films have been, especially since I've played most of the games. I could give you a list of all of the video game inspired movies that were made in the last two decades, but why? None of them were great. Some had moments, while others went so completely apart from their source material, that you wondered why was it even called what it was. A ton of games have great story lines and cool gimmicks, and are told on a gargantuan cinematic scale these days. So what is the freakin problem? You tell me. Cause from my teens to nearing my middle-age, I still don't have a damn clue. Just some food for thought here; But not a single one of these films released since 1993 has ever made it to the fifty percent approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Shouldn't some Hollywood number crunchers try to figure that one out?

Assassin's Creed


Like many of the same in its genre, Assassin's Creed has the curse of not living up to its fullest potential in cinematic form. And even though its convoluted story line is appropriate to the game's style, it just doesn't work in the confines of a film that runs under two hours long. It's one of the reasons that I am not in any rush for there to be a Metal Gear Solid film being made any time soon; Too much story would have to be sacrificed. Now I wasn't a fan of the original game's futuristic/past-delving premise, but I was willing to give this film a shot. I can tell that much effort was put into many aspects of this picture, yet once again the trend of style over substance, reigns supreme. The costumes look great, but the characters are boring. The music subtly sets up the scenes well, nevertheless it blares to conclusion. The settings have rhythm, yet the editing is chaotic. The visuals are fluid, however the past and present is clouded in murkiness. I mean what's the point of enjoying a bunch of well-choreographed action, if there's a constant haze over everything? Also, the jumping back and forth in time is fine, if you had taken the time to get me interested in these people before doing so.

And that leads me to the other major problem with Assassin's Creed: The Motion Picture; There is not a single man, woman, child, or long soaring bird, that I give one nor two shits about. Even from a fanboy's perspective (which I'm not), I couldn't see any one or thing to cheer for. Michael Fassbender (Inglourious Basterds) may have gotten into ass-kicking shape and can belt out a Patsy Cline tune (Crazy), but if they wanted me to cheer for his character's escape and revenge, then they should've done more than keep him sedated for half of the time. But that's okay, because he's got some buddies who's character development is so limited, that it makes his look like a Martin Scorsese role (Taxi Driver). Only the obvious leader of their group (Michael K. Williams, The Wire) gets whatever meat is left on Fassbender's paltry bone. Marion Cotillard (The Dark Knight Rises) is very convincing as an actress. I believe that her character believes in what she is doing, yet I can't remember what she stands for nor did I really take notice. It's like she cared more for her part than her writers did. And Jeremy Irons (Dungeon & Dragons) lingers around to sound wiser than every one else. He is, but whoopideedoo! So even with a small cast of leading and supporting characters, the story still can't find a way to gel it all together to deliver a better film.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, of Assassin's Creed

The Good- Hey! I saw that thing in the videogame! And that thing, and that thing too!

The Bad- Hey, Brendan Gleeson (Braveheart) showed up! Oh wait, he's gone.

The Ugly- Hey, I didn't know that a large prosthetic nose and some tattoos were all that was needed to make Fassbender look like a Spaniard!

Final Thoughts

Assassin's Creed is a jumbled mess of incomplete storytelling, that is better than it gets credit for. What credit that is, is up to the viewer. This movie was cut from an original run of one-hundred and forty minutes! Maybe that missing half hour could have illuminated this film's dismal appearance? If you are a fan of the game series, definitely see this. If not, you're taking a risk. I will say this though; It makes Hitman: Agent 47 look like a piece of used toilet paper that's been wiped over hemorrhoids for far too long. Never mind, that's more blood than you'll ever see in this PG-13 version of a Mature rated game anyways.
Rating- 4.5 out of 10 






Assassin's Creed (2016)

PG-13 | 1h 55min | Action, Adventure, Fantasy | 21 December 2016 (USA)

When Callum Lynch explores the memories of his ancestor Aguilar and gains the skills of a Master Assassin, he discovers he is a descendant of the secret Assassins society.

Director: Justin Kurzel
Writers: Michael Lesslie (screenplay), Adam Cooper (screenplay) 
Stars: Michael Fassbender, Marion Cotillard, Jeremy Irons 



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