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Friday, January 27, 2017

Piece Of Shit Or Not?- Resident Evil: The Final Chapter

More fun than the video games? No.
Joe's Take- 
Groovin to the soothing sounds of Axel Rose's voice (Paradise City), Alice returns to where it all began; Raccoon City. With a group of survivors and the sketchy words of that annoying hologram girl (Red Queen), Alice re-enters The Hive to destroy the T-Virus once and for all. Only there's a shit ton of zombies and those two invincible assholes from Umbrella, standing in her way. Is this the final chapter in the loosely based series? Will Alice get the peace she undoubtedly deserves? And will this ever feel like a full on Resident Evil movie, without all of the sidetracking and extra characters? Probably not.

My Prediction- My interest in this series has waned considerably ever since Resident Evil: Apocalypse in 2004. There's just something that has never been done right with these movies. They've had their moments, but I've always walked away from these, underwhelmed. Resident Evil: The Final Chapter will be a Piece Of Video Game Based Shit, but I hope that it goes out on a good note.

Mike's Take -
I have a confession. I have seen a part of one of the Resident Evil movies and I think it was part 3, I don't really know. I'm not a "zombie" guy and most of the video game movies that have been made have sucked. Sucked terribly. Plus I don't like wasting two hours of my time on shitty movies. Although that's an ironic statement because let's face it, I've wasted more than two hours on shitty movies. That's what we do. Review movies.
Oh, look another movie where an evil corporation has taken over the world and has released a virus to kill everyone and they save themselves. Exciting, it's four times better and four times more exciting than the previous ones. Also, they ripped off Friday The 13th The Final Chapter. Do the producers and studio get a cut of the profits Resident Evil The Final Chapter? You couldn't come up with a better title than that?
Here are 5.
Resident Evil - Fall of the Red Queen
Resident Evil - The Looking Glass
Resident Evil - Alice Doesn't Live Here Any Longer
Resident Evil - The White Rabbit
Resident Evil - Oh Look It's A Take On Alice In Wonderland, But With Zombies And Flying Weird Dragons And A Rabbit Hole.
Resident Evil - We Stole This Idea From Lewis Carroll
I gave you a bonus, just in case you didn't see where I was going with the Resident Evil is Alice In Wonderland with Zombies.
I've had to sit through like 4 or 6 months of listening and watching that trailer and I'm sick of hearing the Skrillex version of Paradise City. Sorry this is so long.
I'm pretty much saying that this movie is going to be a piece of shit.

P.S. Ali Fucking Larter is in this movie? and why is Ruby Rose in like every single bad action movie that has come out within the past 3 years? You're telling me that a tatted up, short-haired, young, post-apocalyptic survivor/gun/karate/construction/electrician expert is hard to cast?

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