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Thursday, October 5, 2017

Piece Of Shit Or Not?- Blade Runner 2049

Piece Of Shit Or Not?- Blade Runner 2049
The face anyone would make if they had to wait thirty-five freakin years for a proper sequel.

Joe's Take-
The smog has gotten worse in California by the year 2049, and Mr. Heartthrob has to somehow locate a makeup-less Drax while sifting through it. Is Drax a robot? Probably, and Mr. Heartthrob has to take him down. Cut to a depressed guy who looks like white Jesus, but talks like he was raised on Confucius. Sad Jesus has been making robotic replicants of humans, and is calmly upset that he can't make them faster. In the meanwhile, Mr. Heartthrob searches through deserts and Joel Schumacher (Batman Forever) inspired statues when he comes across Mumbles, a former cop like him but hiding from an assassination attempt. Together they try to uncover Sad Jesus's nefarious plans before his German dominatrix hit lady catches up to them. Will they succeed? Will the sun ever clearly shine? And will Sad Jesus even make a whimper if he fails? Namaste.

My Prediction- My current favorite director (Denis Villeneuve, Sicario), a detailed futuristic backdrop, and Harrison Ford getting more lines in the trailer than he did in the entire length of the original? Hell yes, I'm interested! Without a doubt, I believe that this will be a superior sequel to the cult classic from 1982 in every way that counts. Of course, that may not be too difficult (my opinion on the original will be withheld until my upcoming review). Well worth the wait, Blade Runner 2049 will not be a Sluggishly Paced, Depthless, Meandering Piece Of Shit.

Mike's Take
35 years, multiple directors and we finally get a sequel that looks... well it LOOKS pretty. It has Harrison Ford in it, also that guy that played the Joker in Suicide Squad and Ryan Gosling. Hopefully we won't get a studio cut, a director's cut, a new director's cut, the final cut, the sorta-final cut, the TV edit cut, the Harrison Ford cut, the Ryan Gosling edit, The Ridley Scott "Tony Scott In Memorium Cut" or a "one of the producers thought this would be a good idea" cut.
Truth be told, this actually looks pretty good, but I've been plenty wrong before.
It won't be a piece of shit.

Blade Runner 2049 (2017)
R | 2h 43min | Sci-Fi, Thriller | 6 October 2017 (USA)

A young blade runner's discovery of a long-buried secret leads him to track down former blade runner Rick Deckard, who's been missing for thirty years.
Director: Denis Villeneuve
Writers: Hampton Fancher (screenplay by), Michael Green (screenplay by)

Stars: Harrison Ford, Ryan Gosling, Ana de Armas 

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